When we are enthusiastic about something, we want to share that – that’s probably the case for all of us. When we’re really passionate about a topic, we hardly know what’s more fun: actually doing it or talking about it.

We enjoy the new things we learn; the new people we meet through the hobby and the insights we gain.

With yoga in particular, these often have a very deep impact. After practicing for a while, we feel the many benefits of a regular practice: we become stronger, more flexible, more relaxed, better able to deal with stress. And maybe we even change some of our lifestyle habits.

As yoga can improve your wellbeing so much, it’s only natural to want to share this. Because of course we want our loved ones to feel as good as we do, right? It can be difficult if those closest to you don’t share your interests.

So what can you do if you have different interests or even different lifestyles but are very close?

Mutual understanding

There should be a willingness to put yourself in the other person’s shoes, on both sides.

If a person is important to you, you usually also care about what interests them, what drives them, what they spend their time doing – even if these things don’t necessarily match your own. If the latter is the case, still make an effort to show interest, ask questions and initiate conversations. But also make sure that you are met with the same level of interest.

Find common ground

If both parties have really tried to talk about the other person’s topics and it’s just exhausting and annoying, then you need to find common ground.

What connected you in the past? If that foundation is no longer there, why not look for a new one? It could be fun to look for something you both like: evenings at the theater together, learning a new language or instrument together, joining a book club… the possibilities are endless! Perhaps an old or new commonality will bring you together again. 

Living by example instead of persuasion

It is not uncommon for yoga enthusiasts to want to convince those around them of their passion. Many find their way to yoga through ailments that are alleviated or even disappear through regular practice. It is therefore only natural to want to get friends and family on board, as we want them to also benefit from the positive aspects of yoga.

The fact is that everyone can benefit from yoga in one way or another, whether it’s by relieving back pain or reducing stress.

But it is also a fact that not everyone is aware of this or open to it.

If this is the case in your environment, you are more likely to push people away if you try to persuade them. However, you can try to inspire. Show your loved ones the positive effects yoga can have. Emphasize the impact of your practice when people talk to you about how relaxed you look, how healthy you are, etc.

Offering small insights

Unfortunately, many people still have prejudices against yoga. If you have people like this around you, it can of course be frustrating. Nevertheless, try not to dismiss these prejudices as “nonsense”. Explain in a friendly but firm manner that the respective assumption is wrong and offer to provide an insight into “real yoga”.

This can be done in many ways. Simply offer to have a conversation with the person about it, in which all questions to you are allowed. As a next step, you can offer to come to a class with them to see for themselves. If you teach yourself, you can also offer a private lesson.

People who are open-minded will be keen to set aside preconceptions and replace dangerous half-knowledge with genuine insights.

Set boundaries

Let’s hope it never comes to that, but you may come across people who hold on to prejudices and wrong views rather than being open to learning something new. In this case, you should ask yourself whether such narrow-minded people are good for you.

As a yogi or yogini, you are probably very tolerant and open-minded, so you probably don’t really get along with narrow-minded people. Make it clear to them that it offends you if they prefer to cling to false facts rather than talk to you about them. If you have someone in your life who can clear up your prejudices – like you – it’s so easy to broaden your horizons. If someone is not willing to do this, it speaks volumes about that person.

Have you experienced different interests among your friends and family? How did you deal with it? Share it with me in the comments!

“You cannot not communicate” (Paul Watzlawick)

Well, yes, that’s totally true, but lately I can’t help but think that many people communicate very poorly. Open communication seems to be a skill that’s more and more forgotten.

Why do I feel this way?

• The friends I can just call without scheduling a date beforehand are very rare
• Speaking of calling: I know a lot of people who freak out at the very thought of talking to someone on the telephone in the first place, “appointment” or not
• More and more people really think that “no answer is still an answer”
• I sometimes get replies to emails, wondering if my counterpart even read my original mail
• It baffles me when people just “react” to a message (like it’s possible on Instagram or WhatsApp) and then think that they’ve actually replied

When I was younger, it was perfectly normal to talk on the phone. All. The. Time. Yes, I had seen my friends at school, but we would still do hour-long conf-calls in the afternoons. When I was sad and needed someone to talk to or when I was excited and needed to share my joy, I could just grab the phone, call a friend, and discuss whatever it was that was on my mind. Of course, it also worked the other way round. Instead of panicking when my phone rang, I was happy that someone wanted to talk to me. Why did that go out of style? When did we get so used to writing everything that all of a sudden anxiety kicks in when the phone rings? I get it, we’re all very busy, so it can’t hurt to get a heads-up, asking if you’re free to talk. But guess what? If you’re not, you can just silence your phone and not answer.

But there are some people who have given up talking on the phone completely. I used to be friends with a girl since we were kids, it was my longest friendship, and it lasted even though we never lived in the same city (apart from the first four years of our lives), led totally different lives and had completely different interests. As we never lived in the same place and couldn’t spontaneously meet up, communication was crucial – and it worked, for a long time. Then, she gave up talking on the phone completely. She never explained what it was that made her feel so uncomfortable about it. All she wanted to do was write on WhatsApp or exchange voice messages. While I love to use these methods of communication as well, it just doesn’t work for me if we never see or actually talk to each other. Texting or sending monologues back and forth just doesn’t substitute real interaction for me. This becomes obvious when there’s a conflict. It’s just always better to hash such things out in person or, in our case, on the phone. She wasn’t open to that, so the friendship didn’t last.

What about “no answer is still an answer”?

I agree only to some extent. Yes, sometimes people ghost you because they just don’t care. Other times, though, people think “I’ll reply later”, then forget it, then feel too ashamed to get in touch because it took them so long. I have friends who are awful at replying, yet are super happy when I reach out. Or take myself as an example: When I have phases where I’m dealing with anxiety or panic attacks, replying to a message feels like an insurmountable task to me. I try to let people know “hey, I need to step back a little until I feel better again”, but sometimes even that isn’t possible for me, or I can’t even articulate what it is that I’m feeling that makes me unable to communicate. It would be horrible for me if my friends went “well, no answer is still an answer – she obviously doesn’t care anymore, so we won’t even try”.  

So, in my book, no answer is not a sufficient answer.

Silence can mean so much more than we think. Yes, it can mean “I don’t want anything to do with you, so leave me the eff alone”, but it can also mean: I’m scared that you’ll reject me, now that I haven’t been in touch for so long; I don’t know what to say, so right now it’s easier to say nothing at all; I feel overwhelmed with the mundane task of texting, but would be happy if you didn’t give up on me because of that. While I’m asking people to understand all these nuances of not responding, it should also be crystal clear that ghosting should not be an option. Like, at all. Given that there are so many reasons for people to stay silent, no answer is not even close to being a satisfactory answer. If you can – communicate! Even when you fear that the other person might not like what you have to say.

Concerning the last two points on my list above… I think those are the result of communication increasingly taking place in writing. It’s become so easy to just avoid questions you can’t or don’t want to answer or just post an emoji and call it a day. When you’re used to communicating like that, in turn, it’s clear why you feel uncomfortable talking on the phone or even in person.

Why is communication so important to me?

To me, it’s the base of every type of relationship, whether it’s a relationship with a partner, a colleague, a friend, a family member. If you don’t communicate, how will the other person know what’s going on? The problem is: When they don’t get an answer, they start assuming what the problem might be. Maybe they will think that you simply don’t want to talk to them anymore and stop trying. Maybe they will go through every possible scenario in their head, but they won’t come to a conclusion, because they simply can’t know unless you tell them. Misunderstandings are poison for every relationship, and the only way to solve them is by talking to each other.

How is your relationship with communication? Do you like long talks on the phone, or do you panic when it rings? Have you ever ghosted someone or been ghosted by someone? Why did you do that, or how did you deal with that? Share in the comments or shoot me a message – I’d love to hear your thoughts!

I have always been a passionate proponent of the theory that there is such a thing as fate. I found the idea beautiful and somehow also comforting, that everything is preordained and thus everything that happens to us is part of a larger plan. After all, whenever something painful happened in my life, I could tell myself that it had to happen so that “my destiny would be fulfilled.” Recently, however, I’ve been struggling a lot with this issue. Here are my thoughts on it.

What is this all about?

The thesis is as follows: Everything that happens in your life happens FOR you, so that in the end you can live your destiny. If you long for something but don’t get it, then it’s only happening for protection or because you deserve better. It was simply “not meant for you”. But if something is “meant for you”, then you don’t have to struggle for it, you don’t have to force it – it will come to you or it will happen naturally. And most importantly, it will also feel easy and right!

Why I’ve been all for it so far

I didn’t get a job? Well, that was probably meant to be, there’s probably a better one out there waiting for me. My weekend trip falls through because of a train strike? Well, since everything happens for a reason, maybe it could be protection and I would have sprained my ankle on the planned hike? Communication with a good friend is slow and I always have to make the first move? Well, since the friendship no longer feels easy and natural, I should probably end it.

You can guess where I’m going with this: I loved that this theory offers a positive explanation for every negative experience. It’s comforting and uplifting. For many years, this thinking gave me strength and peace. Strength because I had the assurance that every bad event happened for my own good. Peace because I had the assurance that what was meant for me would find me and I couldn’t miss it. And it was coherent for me – I could actually take something positive out of everything negative that happened to me at some point. Sometimes it took years before I could see a deeper meaning behind it, but it happened. When you’re at a point in life where you’re totally happy, and you look back and realize how the cogs interlocked so that you could get there, it can be a wonderful feeling.

What has changed for me?

The past few months have not been easy for me. I suffered from panic attacks and anxiety for the first time in almost six years and was completely overwhelmed by it. That alone is incredibly debilitating, but when heartbreak is added to the mix, it gets really uncomfortable. I felt absolutely miserable. Actively, I didn’t really think about whether all of this actually had to happen for me to get to a certain point. But I noticed something inside me bristling when I scrolled past posts on Instagram like “What’s meant for you will find you” or “If it’s meant for you, you don’t have to fight for it.” Unlike usual, these sayings triggered more anger in me. And I’m very sure I know why. Anyone who has ever had a panic attack will know how terribly helpless you feel. There’s nothing you can do except try to “breathe through it.” One feels completely at the mercy of others; it is a complete loss of control. If I am then made to believe that I only get what is meant for me anyway, I am also deprived of control in every other area of my life. So, I have no control at all over what I get, no matter how hard I work for it? And how terribly presumptuous is it for anyone or anything to determine what is meant for me? Thank you, I’m sure it’s well intentioned, but I would like to please decide for myself how my life goes, and yes, I would also like to make mistakes and learn from them! I want to feel like I can take control of my life through motivation, passion, and work, and not think “hmm, maybe it’s not meant for me, so maybe I’m just putting too much time and energy into it?” with every project.

Of course, it’s much easier and more comfortable to sit back and say to yourself “on Instagram they said that what’s meant for me will find me”. By now, though, I’m more afraid of losing control than I am of effort. From my point of view, self-determination is worth some effort. And if I immediately threw in the towel at anything that didn’t feel “easy” or “natural,” where would I be? Let’s take the example of the difficult friendship from earlier: Due to my mental state, I’ve been the difficult friend lately, not getting back to many people. Not out of laziness, but because I simply lacked the energy. I would find it terrible if my loved ones would then say “since this friendship doesn’t feel easy right now, it’s probably not meant to be, so I’m withdrawing”.

Speaking of friendship, of course relationships with others are something else entirely when it comes to this topic. After all, here it’s not just about what I want, but also about what the other person wants with whom I would like to maintain a friendship or build a relationship. But if both of them want it, then it will work out – and I’m absolutely sure of that. Even if the circumstances are adverse, or maybe even just then. I am incredibly sensitive and empathetic, so I literally feel for them when my partner or a friend shares problems with me. I know that people can act difficult during a crisis, sometimes even verbally “lashing out” and becoming hurtful. What I’m saying is by no means should you put up with everything someone might throw at you. What I am saying is that I would never give up on people because I assume the connection is not “meant to be” just because the road is rocky right now.

And now?

I definitely don’t rule out that at some point I will face the issue again in a more conciliatory way or even draw comfort from the certainty that something just wasn’t meant to be and something better is waiting for me as a substitute (anyway – who decides what is “better”?). 

But what I exclude in any case: That I cut people out of my life because the interaction with them is “difficult” at the moment or that I give up heart’s desires because obstacles are put in my way before I can achieve them.

Yoga supports health, both physical and mental – we’ve heard that many times. With the exercises, we can ease the back pain that plagues us after a long day at the office, but also put the mental pain that gnaws at us after a breakup, for example, a little in its place. Practiced regularly, it can have long-term positive effects on our psyche. But what is it that helps our mental health exactly? Here are my personal top five.

1. More mindfulness

In yoga, you’re always encouraged to feel inside yourself: how does this movement feel in certain parts of the body? How does the leg we just stretched feel in contrast to the leg we haven’t stretched yet? Where can you notice your breathing particularly well? In short, your attention goes inward, not outward. A stark contrast to the world outside the yoga studio, where we are constantly inundated with stimuli of all kinds. On your mat, however, you are invited to focus entirely on yourself and how something feels to you or what thoughts creep into your mind. After practicing for a while, you will notice how this habit spreads to your daily life. You’ll become more receptive to your body’s signals, you’ll notice sooner when your mood changes, you’ll take on the role of observer more often. More mindfulness also means being more in the moment, more with yourself and not so “defenseless” against external influences or worries about events in the past or future.

2. More relaxation/parasympathetic nervous system

What should not be missing at the end of any yoga class is deep relaxation. Our sympathetic nervous system saves us when we have to run away from a saber-toothed tiger, which nowadays also sometimes appears in the form of an unpleasant colleague or a frenemy. The parasympathetic nervous system, on the other hand, helps us to regenerate. In today’s hectic times, the sympathetic nervous system often dominates, as we are constantly in a “guarded” position. Thus, many of us find it difficult to really shut down and come to rest. In a pleasant, extended deep relaxation we activate the parasympathetic nervous system, additionally stress hormones are reduced and happiness hormones are released. But it’s not only the final relaxation after a yoga class that helps: an enjoyable yin yoga session can also contribute to greater relaxation and well-being.

3. A sense of belonging through synchronized breathing and movement in the group

Of course, it helps your mental health enormously if you practice alone at home. Especially if you are suffering acutely from anxiety or depression, it can be a sheer overwhelming task to go outside, come to the yoga studio and practice with strangers – believe me, I know exactly what I’m talking about. In those cases, it’s great that you can just fire up YouTube and get on the mat on your own. But if you’re doing well at the moment and would just like to take precautions, then the effect of a class on the spot is not to be underestimated. Practicing yoga together creates a very special energy in the room that can have a positive effect on your well-being. The comforting feeling of being with like-minded people spreads. The mindful and synchronized breathing and movement creates a sense of belonging all by itself – even if you’ve never seen the other participants in the class before.

4. Learning to accept/adapt

They say anyone can do yoga – as long as you can breathe. And it’s true! The seniors and senior women I get to teach prove it to me every week. Despite poor eyesight, back problems and other ailments of old age, they come to my classes enthusiastically time and time again. The secret? Adapt the exercises accordingly. You can do that too! Over time, you will learn how to adapt asanas to your needs and how to use aids such as blocks and straps to do so. This is not just about permanent physical limitations, but also about temporary tweaks like minor injuries. Even if you don’t feel up to it, you can always practice yoga if you adapt accordingly – a lesson that is incredibly valuable off the mat as well. When we accept what is right now, we save valuable energy. When we adapt accordingly, recalculating the route so to speak, we take our destiny back into our own hands – a great feeling!   

5. More concentration

What often comes hand in hand with mindfulness, is concentration. In yoga, we learn to focus on ourselves and our needs – a skill that is often lost when mental health is not up to par. If we have more concentration in everyday life, this also benefits us at work and in everyday tasks. We can devote ourselves fully to a task and complete it conscientiously and neatly, instead of being mentally preoccupied with the next to-do item while carrying it out and thus acting carelessly. The resulting sense of achievement has a positive impact on our self-esteem – we feel successful, capable, productive. And whose mood wouldn’t that lift?

My own experience

After a long time of not liking yoga, I tried it again when I was in the midst of a crisis that involved almost every area of my life: job, place of residence, circle of friends, love life. When all these aspects are in shambles, it’s only natural to keep thinking about what to do next. For me, it even felt like I had to constantly worry about it, like it was a “waste of time” to focus my attention on anything else, since it wouldn’t get me out of the situation. To get “permission” to switch off from a yoga teacher, saying “This class belongs entirely to you and your well-being” was incredibly relieving for me. When I came out of the classes, I noticed how I could think a little more clearly – simply because I had allowed the mental merry-go-round to take a break. Today, I also like to start my own classes with these words.

Yoga is not only good for me when I’m brooding, but also when I’m suffering from anxiety or panic. Admittedly, I often have to force myself to hit the mat when I’m in this state, but I have never regretted it afterwards. When the heart and thoughts are racing, moving in tune with my breath brings me down every time. If I go on the mat in a bad or even depressed mood, a few tears may flow while practicing – but that is also allowed! Especially when we are not feeling well, we often hold tensions in our bodies that are released through movement. Getting emotional is quite natural and can also be healing.

Have you had any experiences with the effects of yoga on the psyche? Feel free to share them in the comments!